The Perfect Plan

As I am seeking a job for next school year, I have really been praying about it. I know with 100% certainty that my purpose in life was to become a mother. God gives us all gifts and purposes, but mine is a passion for motherhood and family. Without passing any judgement, I also firmly believe that I personally can best do this by staying at home with my children, and not working outside the home. So, when Rob and I discussed me going back to work next year, I did not receive the idea very well at first. I knew that financially, it made since. But, emotionally I wasn't ready. And I still do not know that I am ready. How can I really be prepared to drop my precious child, the one that I love with everything I have, at daycare? It is something I struggle with the thought of, but know that I can do it, and I will do it. I am stronger than I think I am. Through many prayers about me returning to work, I realize that it is God's will that I pursue a job right now. And then if God blesses us with more children, we will re-evaluate what God is laying on our hearts.

While reading the book that I have recently blogged about, "I Will Carry You," I learned something. I do not always pray about a problem in the way that God desires me to. I am a perfectionist, and a planner. And neither of those is achievable. We are all sinners, but by the grace of God, are forgiven time and time again. I will never be perfect. I fall short. I also like to have a plan. Well the joke is on me because God laughs at my plans. Because my "plan" doesn't matter. The only master plan is His plan. When I pray about something, I ask him for what I desire....find a job soon, a job I like, etc. Then I read this in the book I was telling about:

"...What Mary and Martha say in their message to Jesus is not as interesting to me as what they don't say. They don't refer to Lazarus by name, nor do they ask Him to heal their brother. While we can infer that they were conveying a need for help, they don't actually ask Him to do anything specific. The request is similar to the one Mary, the mother of Jesus, made at the wedding feast in Cana. We are told that as the wine started to run out, she said to Jesus, 'They have no more wine." She doesn't explicitly tell Him the solution she is looking for but rather states the problem and waits to see what He will do about it. As I read their words, it occurred to me that this is not the way I approach the Lord with a crisis. I run to him with a laundry list of suitable responses and beg him to accommodate me."

This is exactly what I needed to read. God doesn't need me to give Him solutions, or ideas, or the way I hope it turns out. He knows my heart, but His plan is the only and best answer. So, instead of praying to find a good job soon, I have prayed, "Lord I do not have a job..."

I had an interview for and was offered a part time private school teaching position today. One year ago, 6 months ago, one month ago, this is exactly what I would have wanted to do. Isn't it funny though, how things can change so quickly. After hoping for a job like this to become available, I am feeling God lead me in a different direction. I am taking a leap of faith. I am trusting in Him and know His perfect plan for me will be done. Not yet knowing what the plan is..."Lord, I do not have a job..."